turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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