GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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