I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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