I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize