I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
