Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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