you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
