Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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