bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
