good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You can't motorboat a personality
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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