I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
