Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
