My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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