The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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