Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
