Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
