the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
