Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
