C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
