dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
