i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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