are you so shy because you have an std?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
