Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
