just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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