im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
