I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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