I feel great
I just peed on a car
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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