Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
