God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
