I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
