Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
