Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Panties = found
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