i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
