Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
