So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
