I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.