i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back