Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
