Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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