I hate your face
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
