Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
