dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't EVER smell your tampon
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
