The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
