meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
