Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We have started to decorate penises.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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