69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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