In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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