So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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