Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
