did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
