if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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