Whod you bang
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
