Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize