his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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