Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
