Do you still have your period?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
