I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
