dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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