Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
