It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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