My hand turned me down
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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