you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
