i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize