he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
