I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Terrible idea I love it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
