New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
