go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
