Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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