he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
