i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
