the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
